Eagle

My hand petting the eagle

He was mad about the scallop; he wanted ham

I was no threat to his food

I had a really awesome experience today.  There will be pictures added to this blog tomorrow night when I can download them from my camera.  While talking to a leader in the village, she told me her husband, the chief was rehabilitating an eagle on their enclosed front porch.  She reported that he does this at least one time per year.  I asked to see the eagle, she agreed and after a stop for SOBE at the Variety Store, we went to her house.

We opened the door to the porch to a great big eagle sitting loose on the freezer.  The chief was coaxing the eagle to eat scallops.  The eagle was turning his head and shaking it no.  It was clear he wanted to be left to the desserts under the towel, under him on the freezer.  I watched as the chief placed his hands on the eagle's sides, from behind, lifted him and calmed him with his voice.  He placed the eagle around two feet from me on a generator.  The eagle refused the scallops but eagerly accepted ham, of all things.  Now, I know this woman cooks a mean, fall of the bone ham, so perhaps this was an eagle with good taste.

We were all in awe of this eagle and then suddenly he turned his head, locked his eyes on me and gave me eagle eyes.  I made a smooth Michael Jackson moon walk move right behind the open porch door.  I did not think that look could mean anything good.  However, he relaxed and allowed me to walk up to him and actually pet his back.  I stroked and stroked his feathers.  Yes, there will be a picture of this added when I can download tomorrow night from my camera.

Then, I stood right in front of him while they took a picture of us.  My face was maybe two feet from his.  It was an incredible, spiritual, unique experience.  I posed with this eagle, watched him eat and petted him.  Now, this experience, with a few bush plane rides makes for an interesting day's work.

Tonight, with my boss as co-therapist, we worked to help a mother and son heal.  This session was so touching that Jim and I had to discuss it, go over it, re-live it.  I love when that happens.

Amazing Winter Scenes

Tonight at Bishop's Beach

Last night's sunset at Bishop's Beach

Winter flight into Homer

I am amazed at the beauty here and the color variations.  There is no way to describe some of the sunsets and sunrises.  At times, my camera comes close to capturing the true colors, however, usually photographs are muted compared to the real thing. 

Beautiful also, are the fantastic friendships I am developing here.  Just like everywhere I go, I end up meeting friends who will be life long buddies.  I love the times at the beach and today my friend Michelle and I rode out an adventure.  We went to the end of the road, east of here, where it is actually called the end of the road because the road ends there.  We wound through mountain roads, scary and exciting because Michelle's truck is rear wheel drive.  We slid, she pulled out the skids and maintained excellent control of her vehicle.  This was not an easy task on huge inclines/declines, no AWD or 4WD.  I was amazed. 

I snapped photos, enjoyed the excitement and had great talks.  We ended up back on Bishop's Beach for our walk, freezing walk.  The waves sounded wonderful touching the shore, the sky was beautiful and the air was crisp and encouraging us to move. 

I love the outdoors, the lack of traffic and the knowing that simple pleasures:  spending time with friends, exploring, trying a great cup of coffee are what make up a great day.  String enough of those days together and one has a great life.

Christmas 2010

I love this coffee cup.  Please allow me to tell the story of how I came to love this cup.  Once upon a time there were very unhappy people who could not stand two sisters loving each other.  They huffed and they puffed and they worked hard to put distance between these two sisters.

Each sister embarked on her own journey, overcoming obtacles to self love and acceptance.   Each sister huffed and puffed and blew away the lies, the stories and breathed in her own truth.

Though separated for a time, these two sisters found each other this past summer and instead of taking each journey alone, they started to share what was in their hearts.  They were grateful for the people who had taken them in, loved on them and showed them kindness in the world.  They were grateful to the families who had opened their doors, showed them their hearts and who gently blew on the sparks of life, in each sister, until the warm glow of their souls shone through their eyes.

Together, these two sisters, live the Chinese Proverb: When sleeping women wake, mountains move.  Oh, yes, we are wide awake and taking it all in and giving it all back.  We are a force.  We speak from the truth in our hearts to each other; we give the nurturing to each other that comes from knowing what we have been through.  And, today, I opened the package with this cup, from my sister, while she watched me do so on Skype.  I am drinking my coffee from this cup as I write.  I am looking at its matching candle, the felt tree she sent, her card and the Christmas stocking hanging on my wall. 

Plus, added to my sister's presents/presence here, the scarf that Barbe knit for me, the Harry and David caramel corn mix, the merino wool/silk socks and more that came in the box from Pat and Barbe.  The phone call to my chosen mom this morning with the voice of my chosen dad in the background, completed by the chiming in voices of Bailey and James.  James sounded like a young man.  My mom sent me blank Christmas cards to fill out for people.  Actually, thanks mom, that saved me.  She gave me another gift as well.  And anything she does for me today, is under the umbrella of all the love this family has given me.  They have always stood by my side. 

I called an ex-partner who told me that I was one of the people who stopped, took the time to notice and really know.  I heard the gratitude expressed for being a person that cares and knows.  I read through a great letter from another ex thanking me for all I added.  I talked to Pat and Barbe and prayed together for a loved one facing a tough task.  I see a Merry Christmas wish on Facebook from Marianne. 

Now, I need to go let a friend's dog out for relief, take some things to the office and go for a walk.  What started out as a Christmas, alone, in Alaska, turned out to be a day full of phone calls, gifts, skyping and well wishes.  All glory back to the Creator

Go Stick Your Fuel Oil Tank

This is now referred to as the new oh oh look.

I called the Fuel Oil Company today to ask them about the procedure to sign up for service.  The representative on the phone, Paula, said, "You'll have to stick your fuel tank."  I told her that it was up a gravity platform.  She said, "Well, this is a typical Alaskan homeowners task."  Ok, now I'm getting concerned.  It's 12 degrees.  The tank is up in the air; I rent this house.  She continues, "You need a ladder, a broom stick and a measuring tape."  "You climb up the ladder, unscrew the cap, insert the broom stick and then measure in inches how far up the wet is up the stick."  "I have a measuring system here to tell you exactly how many gallons you will need to fill." 

I told her that I might have a problem with this task in that I don't think those supplies were left with the rental.  She told me, "Well, we need an exact measurement so that when you pay cash for your first fill we don't end up paying you back a credit."  And then she added the killer line with, "If this task is too difficult for you then you could ask a man to do it for you."  Without a spot of hesitation I exclaimed, "I don't need a man to do nothing for me."  I was indignant.  She laughed loudly and said I had answered correctly for an Alaskan woman.  I corrected her and explained that this attitude comes from being a Michigan woman.  We are so taught there to handle our own business.  This strong male thing is nice when your fingers could freeze off, however, never, ever admit that the task required the help of a man.  Oh no.  Never, ever is that admitted in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.  Marianne, am I right?

So, I told her who I rent from and she softened up in that they know each other.  She was still laughing about my indignation when we hung up.  So, I walked outside, looked at that tank, checked the shed for a ladder, got in my car and drove to the fuel oil place.  There was no ladder, no stick, no way I was going asking around for a ladder on Christmas Eve.

I met her and said this sticking the tank thing was just not going to happen.  She turned to the guys in the place and announced that I was the woman from Michigan who did not need a man to stick her fuel oil tank.  The men laughed and asked where I was from.  When I told him the Upper Peninsula of Michigan one man shared that he had worked up on the Sceney Stretch.  He told Paula that he was sure I had said that.  He knew that the women in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan held their own.  I then shared that I needed a load of firewood and would cut it myself, however, I just didn't have time.  They laughed about that for awhile too.

All laughing stopped when I answered the question about my job with the, "I commute by bush plane four days a week into villages to provide therapy."  After throat clearing and plane crash stories, they provided the number of wood cutters.  I thanked them.  You see, not only could I stick my own fuel oil tank but I handle the wild bush plane rides.  I was elevated to a true Michigan/Alaskan woman right then and there.

And, I gave them a credit card, signed up for fuel oil service and next week one of their men is coming out to stick my fuel oil tank to get an accurate measurement.  Okay, I'm not stupid.  It's 12 degrees, the tank is up in the air and I don't want to smell like fuel oil.  I could do it; I just don't choose to.  That's different. 

I now have new friends at the fuel oil company, names of wood cutters and a reputation as a tough Michigan/Alaskan woman.  Come on, who could ask for more?

Christmas Week

Happy Holidays from Alaska

What a week this has been.  I took my first flights out to the villages after being in the lower 48 and then in Anchorage for days.  Cold is sitting in a bush plane, on the run way, while they load cargo with the doors wide open.  Cold is getting up in the air with little to no heat.  Cold is finger pain that demands my full attention.

Nice, today, the sun was shining.  I actually dusted the interior of my car while not wearing gloves.  It was a balmy 20 degrees here today.  Now, I opted out of the walk out on the spit where the wave revealed the true force of the winds.  Yes, I noticed this, turned my car around, headed home for my electric blanket and there you have it. 

I am going to exercise tonight, for real. 

I have no plans for this Christmas weekend.  I have lots to do and have several files around me from work.  I know that next week is packed with fun.  I'm supposed to go with friends to Anchorage for the Indigo Girl's concert.  I don't think I'm going to but it sure is nice to know there's so much to do out there.

As of today, my car has new belts, an oil change and the antifreeze is now weathered down to 30 below.  It was only prepared down to 15 degrees.  I think that's about the extent of the weather predictions in Salem where they prepared my car for the trip.

I'm off to climb back in that blanket.  I'm freezing still tonight.  Tomorrow, the steam room at the gym.  Tonight, the electric blanket. 

Happy Holidays to everyone.

Perks On The Job

I was visiting some folks at their house in the village today and this little one came over, stood on my feet and gave the pick me up look.  He alternated between this look and putting his little arms up.  He's only 13 months old and weighs in at 34 pounds.  I gave in, actually, rather quickly.

What a perk.

The weather, not so much of a perk.  It has gotten very cold and I feel as though I step off the bush plane into exclaim out loud about it cold.  I feel as though I am only wearing a t-shirt.  I have lots of layers on.  Tonight, I was whining hard when I had to scrape the car windows in 14 degree weather, load travel stuff in the car, sit on my frozen fingers, drive home and unload all of it. 

I was graciously given lots of meat to send to Michigan tribal folk and groaned about lugging and unloading that as well.  I am not prone to complaining about the cold, today, however, I was just not feeling the love for it.

People asked if I had enjoyed my vacation and then told me I still looked tired.  It only took two days back on the village travel schedule for me to look haggard.  This might be the post where I admit to aging or something.  Somebody stop me!

So, allow me please, to focus on this beautiful baby, the youngsters who hugged on me at the school and the multiple hugs and welcome back greetings I heard today.  Now, I'm going to turn up the heat, get under a blanket and watch something fun, like a movie. 

Holiday Fun

This blue picture is but a memory.  The winter snow and ice are really here.  I find that though I am readjusting to the cold weather after my trip, I am doing so with an enjoyment regarding the cold weather.  Michigan is never far from my blood.

I find the holiday season to be full of people who cannot help but experience every hurt as though it is magnified by the lights of the holiday season.  I spend hours providing therapy to crying adults and children who feel such incredible sadness during the season to be jolly.  Children express deep regret and sadness as they deal with a devoted love to their parents who place alcohol ahead of the children.  Teenagers lament their pain at loving their parents and being so angry with them.

I am brought to the absolute gift of honest, safe, open communication.  I have heard people say that they love the 12-step programs in that they can be honest, open and feel understood.  I think that any time we have to censor our words so that they don't get caught in someone's resentment trap, modify sentences midstream so as not to be misunderstood, we are living in a loneliness making situation.  There is a freedom in having around us those that give us the benefit of the doubt. 

I love the attitude of, "I can't wait to hear what you have to say."  There is so much acceptance and gracious encouragement in that nonjudgmental communication.  I have had that in my life and have it now wherever I turn.  I have to say that these opportunities to happen, to unfold naturally with loved ones is a gift made ever so clear to me each day I spend with clients who do not feel heard my loved ones.

I love to love and now in my life that same love is extended to me, from me.  It is extended from me out to those who want to receive it and me in my full splendor.  You see, each of us is that perfect child of the Creator, splendid, magnificent, wanting, giving and royal.  I hope the lights of this holiday season, and of all those to follow, make shine that which is life giving to each of you.  Happy Holidays.

Sunrise, Sunday, December 19, from my front step

What It Is

Thanks for letting me stay with you Pat and Barbe

Susie at Cosmo's gave me a fresh new look to go back to Alaska.  I was shaggy when I hit Oregon

I'm packing up in the hotel room in Anchorage.  Lots of stuff to pack; big trip to the lower 48 and time spent in my storage unit resulted in my bringing back lots of stuff.  I found my great winter coat.  I have been very warm on top here in Anchorage, even at minus 4 degrees in the morning.
I came back with a ton of gifts: with this awesome stuffed polar bear, portable speakers for listening to Pandora on my new phone, my new phone, movies, a lovely longerberger basket and memories.  There were more gifts, however, I think the most special came in actions.
I had dinner at the house of a friends where I got to sit in the kitchen and listen, talk and share while she cooked.  I love that time with her.  I got to sit around in long underwear with my elders drinking coffee and discussing affairs of the heart.  I had my face taken into the hands of one friend after another as they kissed my face and told me they loved me.   I was cuddled with, loved on and supported fully.

I loved the time around the kitchen table of a friend where we discussed spirituality and the needs of the people I serve.  I went to the concert of my dear friend.  I spent time at Denny's with a friend whom I love getting to know.  I went to her house, hugged her children and felt the peace of being at home.  I went dancing and let myself dance as though I were alone.  Looking around I got the idea that people enjoy joy.  I drove around Salem, familiar and wet with rain.  This visit was about love, about renewal, about finding my way back to stasis for me.  Afterall, everything has been new in my life for months.

I realized during that visit, that though bush planes, avalanche roads, thoughts of long kayaking trips are all exciting, everyone needs the familiar.  I needed a good dose of people who already knew me.  This was the first vacation in a long time where only one or two days had drama.  This vacation was about love, peace and encouragement, toward me and from me.

I didn't think I could come back to so much trauma work.  I did not want to leave the shelter of a new love, created through long nights of communication.  I enjoyed the mysteries of my heart opening to the possibility of a love so connecting on a spiritual level that it caused me to pause and really be in the moment.  You see, this journey in Alaska, though not warmly welcomed by me at first, turns out to be a journey into my own courage, my own faith in my Creator, my own heart and my own need to be loved just the way I am.  Judge and jury, don't need that in my life.  Acceptance as a child of the Creator, priceless.

Anchorage

I am having so much fun being in Anchorage this week.  In a weird way I have begun to enjoy the cold, the stores and the fitness room at the hotel.  I'm here as part of my work team participating in strategic planning.  We're big thinkers with lots of ideas and passion for what we do.

I was going to go to REI tonight and then had the calling to go to the spa at the hotel.  I worked out at lunch time with both weight lifting and cardio and my body thought the spa sounded better than exposure to more cold air.  So, spa done, free dinner in the lobby waiting and more rest coming.  I have a great room, large tv, awesome pandora/speakers playing.  I am warm, happy, loved and contented.  These moments when everythng comes together were meant to be shared.  If you're reading this I am thanking you for loving  me.

Linking

Questions come up around love, don't they?  The handling of love, emotion...I would think if someone loves you they would wish you happiness and then say, "Hey, if you're really seeing someone else, I hope that works out for you and if it doesn't, well, I'm right here."  If in the larger picture we're really waiting for someone, if we're really hoping, well, do we stop?  Are we happy for someone if they find love?

In Oregon, the Beaver and  Duck fans are very loyal to their teams.  They root for their teams whether they win or lose.  The Lion's fans don't give up.  The Tiger's fans show tremendous support and loyalty, good year or bad. 

The affairs of the heart, however, are not so clear where loyalty is concerned.  Okay, if one person does not play the game the way another hopes, the person is cut from the team.  Why is it that a sport's team is more important than the people we proclaim to love?

And, who do we choose to let love us in the most important ways?  My friends and certainly a mate, tell me to call day or night if I need something.  I tell them the same.  We practice courtesy around that, and we don't say I have to go to bed because the dog is going to get me up in the morning.  If someone moves far away to take a job because they really had to, we buy the $30.00 webcam camera to keep in touch.

That's the thing about being lazy about love.  If we set the parameters too selfishly just to meet our own needs, if we don't go the extra mile emotionally, if we don't make every effort to show that person that he/she is number 1, someone else will.  I think the thing about love is that we are on the same team, we're pulling together to live and when that stops happening we tend to switch teams.  Interesting, however, is the need for fans and team mates alike to punish the teammate for moving on.

Relationships really are a ton of work; they are about knowing what that person needs the most and making sure we're there to meet as many of those needs as possible.  It means taking the risk to put out our own needs, it means listening hard to what is really being requested, it means being honest with ourselves about how we really feel about what a person is saying and doing to us, it means not invading each other's space with demands and controlling statements, it means letting the person unfold in front of us the way in which the Great Spirit intended.  It certainly does not mean that we can love someone one minute and then be their judge and jury the next.  Sad, really, because that means there was never really unconditional love to begin with.

Breathe in/Breathe Out

The four agreements talk about not taking things personally.  In fact, emphasized is the extreme selfishness of taking things personally.  Really, is not the most primary relationship each human being has the one with their own Creator?  Perhaps, each person, in concert with their own Creator, while Co-Creating evolves by bringing each human interaction home to their heart for examination.  This is not the same things as taking things personally.  Instead, the very process begs the question, "What gift did this human interaction provide for my growth?"  Followed by, "And, how will it make me more about relationships with others than focused on the little package of me?"

How can we both serve and take at the banquet of life?  How can we hold the serving dish in one hand, the spoon in the other and have a free hand to take?  As the plate is lifted toward us to receive that which we are dishing out, do we smile at the person to whom we're providing the nourishment?  Is their smile back, the pleasure they are receiving the gift returned?

When it is our turn to sit at the table and be served, we turn our head upward toward the provider, smile and extend our plates to receive the gift.  We offer our thanks, turn our attention back to our plate and the others sitting around us.  We exclaim about how good the food looks on our plate, we pass the pepper and salt and ask others how they are enjoying their food.  The exchange is full of the give and take that makes all of us with open hearts full to the brim.

I recently wrote a list of attributes I was looking for in playmates, friends and a someday lover.  I was hoping for at least some of these commonalities.  The list went like this:

1. Must like curry; speaks to the sense of adventure, the ability to taste all of life.  Okay, must at least not hate curry.  Must love Indian Cuisine.
2. Must like olives and must love to dance.
3. Must love God, Creator, Great Spirit...needed to write that one first.
4. Must be available,  like I am to talk all night if the need be.
5. Has to have an intense sense of adventure.
6. Super adversity to small talk, tedium and ho hum.
7. Loves the outdoors and exploring.
8. Gets that Mother Earth gives us everything we need.
9. Gets that the Great Spirit forgives us everything and provides us with whatever we need.
10. Understands that each person is struggling and provides support, not judgment.
11. Gets that each of us has small things that embarrass us, are personal to us and need to be quietly avoided.
12. Knows that ambience is essential; smell of baking cookies, fire in the fireplace, flowers in the hotel room, candles and Christmas lights at the ready.
13. Loves, loves, loves music.  All kinds of music.  Wound for sound, speakers, sound systems...
14. Loves to sing and bonus if they can sing well.  How fun to harmonize together.  
15. Has an addiction to Bose.  Period.
16. We naturally have each other's best interest at heart.
17. It's easy to give and receive from each other.
18. We are good listeners.
19. We are good risk takers with our feelings.
20. We love to ride anything fast.

 This list resulted in so many great adventurers wandering into my life.  My friends here love Karaoke and laughing for hours mixed in thoroughly with evenings full of potlucks and curry dishes.  My friends in both Oregon and Michigan drop into Indian Cuisine experiences with enthusiasm.  We own Bose and other stereo equipment, we share hours of music, we laugh, love, explore outdoors, ride fast outdoor fun machines, listen hard, give each other the best and the benefit of the doubt, sing, laugh, dance, pray together and gain joy from making each other happy.  I am so blessed, loved and supported.  And, the real blessing to me?  That so many feel blessed, loved and supported by me.  I know because they tell me so.

Vacation Rocks

I can not tell you how rested I have begun to feel.  I have stayed with my buddies, Pat and Barbe, eaten good food, exercised, spent hours with my stuff in storage; I love my stuff by the way.  Who knew that just being with your belongings could be so comforting?

Are they not just things?  Perhaps not.  Each item, carefully chosen because it appealed to or resonated with something inside, speaks to us in that familiar way.  I leave soon to fly back to work, bush planes and mountains.  I will leave here refreshed from being profoundly loved. 

I get to go dancing toninght with my friends.  I get to have breakfast with more friends tomorrow.  I am blessed, loved, cherished and able to provide the same.

I am happy.  And soon I will introduce all of you to the person adding the most to that happiness.

Driving to Anchorage

I jumped out of my little town, with wobbly looking internet connections, mountain interference and $5 cartons of milk to enjoy some time in Anchorage.  As I drove, I found myself watching the outdoor temperature gauge in my car.  -3, -4, -5, -6, -7, -8, -9, -10.  It stopped there.  I started thinking about cold-weather strandings and quickly dismissed that thought from my mind.

Next, I began to notice the Avalanche Signs that warn drivers not to stop in these zones.  Then, the 7% grade signs in the mountains, combined with the snow and ice on the roads and I remember something about Alaska.

Many of the people who live here are adrenaline junkies, straight up.  This state gives thrills at every turn.  Yesterday, I had my worst bush plane ride, ever.  We were all holding on and then we broke out in quiet prayer; heads were bowed, followed by hysterical laughter.  We landed, the door opened and we were still laughing.

It doesn't matter if we use kayaks, cars, bush planes...all present some lovely element of danger.  I thought maybe I might not be one of those adrenaline junkies.  Eight hours after that flight, I climbed right back in the plane to fly home.  Then, I drove through the elements to get to Anchorage tonight.  I loved the drive; felt at home and am planning a kayak trip in Prince William Sound, next to calving glaciers.  I might be living in the right place.