The piles of moose scat are multiplying in my yard and still no moose sighting on my part. They say my sighting will happen at either dawn or dusk. I've been watching whenever I am home. My adventure coworker told me that he was camping the other night, on an island, and heard a wild screeching noise. He peered out cautiously just in case there was a moose in his camp. He said he didn't want to rile a moose and become hoof jam. He makes me laugh so hard.
People are somewhat afraid of the bears here but have a reverence for the moose. The moose has that kicking straight out in front of it talent. They have an anger problem and seem to lack a consistent sense of humor. They are just plain ornery. They make no excuse for it. They stand their ground and take up all the space they want. There is a trail just before the edge of my bluff so I know they are filing through here. Someday, the great moose spotting will happen.
For now, I was sitting at the edge of my bluff this afternoon with my colleague who is moving to town. I was showing her my place and we were enjoying sitting on the bench at the edge of the bluff. Right in front of us, nearly close enough to touch, an eagle soared by. We just watched it with wonder. I was told that 2000 eagles hit my town in January. What an experience that will be.
I have found the jean store with its fine socks, gloves, shoes and pricey clothes. Fat Olives for pizza with friends. Tuesday night at Alice's for beer and burger for $10.00. I skip the beer part. I know that we go to the dump here and we have the option of containers out on the spit. Gas is $3.74 per gallon, ouch. Studded tires cost nearly $700 here and I am grateful that mine are on my car as of today. Nomads come here from all over starting a new life, trying on the culture and different life. Two Sister's Bakery is still amazing. Bishop Beach is pretty. Finn's is closed for the winter, depriving the town folk of fabulous blue cheese/pear pizza. The Burning Basket ceremony has passed. People like to play wii in the winter. Woodstoves are popular and everyone asks me if I have running water.
There are 30 bear loose in town, stopping at restaurant garbage cans. One had to be put down, 500 pounds of charging bear, just this past Thursday. We're reminded to be careful because there are so many bears left wandering the streets eating from outside the restaurants. I am prepared for winter, tires and all, I'm watching for bears, I'm watching for moose and I'm keeping a sense of humor about scary flights. Remote has a whole different meaning here; it is not something held in one's hand to change television stations. It is the word that explains why we carry waterproof matches in our packs.
I am happy here outside in this element. I am happy looking out at the mountains across the bay. Living on the edge used to mean just saying what I thought. This is different and familiar at the same time. At least I am clear on the dangers here, not always so clear for me in the city. I am also clear on how to take care of myself in this environment. This winter, I'll be studying survival skills in the woods, seems I never quite mastered them in urban life.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Flight Nerves
We left Homer this morning, flew out over the water for a ways, the pilot started to work more with the dials and then gave me a tense smile, turned the plane back toward Homer Air Airport. We landed at the edge of the runway and the smell of smoking tires, the result of braking hard, filled the cabin. We taxied over to the hanger and were told that we would be switching planes. Apparently, we had some malfunction up there and the pilot decided he could not make the flight.
I paused, reflected and got on the other plane. The pilot went into the building and another pilot took over the flight. This time we made it all the way to our destination.
Upon arriving at the clinic, I was infromed that the second pilot crashed a plane around 18 months ago, and they were surprised to see that he was back flying so much. He apparently left the flying business for awhile to regroup. Another Homer Air pilot had his plane malfunction at 5000 feet. He managed to safely land on a glacier, the plane flipped over and all walked away alive with scratches. He walked away from flying as well.
I must say that my nerve was tested when we were heading back to the airport. My nerves were tested when we had both another plane and pilot. I hear that winter is going to be fun, I think they're kidding around, and that we're coming into the time when the pilots refuse to fly on many days.
I'll keep you posted on all of this fun. The ground feels really good under your feet at times.
I paused, reflected and got on the other plane. The pilot went into the building and another pilot took over the flight. This time we made it all the way to our destination.
Upon arriving at the clinic, I was infromed that the second pilot crashed a plane around 18 months ago, and they were surprised to see that he was back flying so much. He apparently left the flying business for awhile to regroup. Another Homer Air pilot had his plane malfunction at 5000 feet. He managed to safely land on a glacier, the plane flipped over and all walked away alive with scratches. He walked away from flying as well.
I must say that my nerve was tested when we were heading back to the airport. My nerves were tested when we had both another plane and pilot. I hear that winter is going to be fun, I think they're kidding around, and that we're coming into the time when the pilots refuse to fly on many days.
I'll keep you posted on all of this fun. The ground feels really good under your feet at times.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Peaceful Saturday
Today is a good day to nap. I have gotten to help someone get through a struggle. I helped someone else deal with the death of a loved one. All this connecting while I look out at the mountains that look like the Smokey Mountains today. There is this beautiful blue haze.
The water is so pretty, the spit is busy and the mountains wear their frosty hats. I am going through this really great time in my life where I am surrounded by beauty. I am surrounded by it, maybe I always have been, however, I am waking to it.
I have four people who always, and I mean always, encourage me to be myself. Who else could I be? But I get what they mean now. Be true to myself. Love myself. I am finding that when I take care of myself that I draw to me people who want to love and treat me well.
I am letting go of resentments and know that I have been loved well to that place. I am clearing out, so to speak, that which does not serve me to my higher purpose. It seems that this work here demands that of me.
Throughout my life, people have commented on my being a breath of fresh air, authentic, real. Those qualities are essential to my work here so if my head is not screwed on straight, then, it reflects in my work. I don't have the luxury of nursing a grudge, or blaming other people for my problems or sitting in resentment. What I feel becomes real in a sense here.
So, I have had a day full of love and encouragement and have had the privilege of giving the same. Nice time to take a nap.
The water is so pretty, the spit is busy and the mountains wear their frosty hats. I am going through this really great time in my life where I am surrounded by beauty. I am surrounded by it, maybe I always have been, however, I am waking to it.
I have four people who always, and I mean always, encourage me to be myself. Who else could I be? But I get what they mean now. Be true to myself. Love myself. I am finding that when I take care of myself that I draw to me people who want to love and treat me well.
I am letting go of resentments and know that I have been loved well to that place. I am clearing out, so to speak, that which does not serve me to my higher purpose. It seems that this work here demands that of me.
Throughout my life, people have commented on my being a breath of fresh air, authentic, real. Those qualities are essential to my work here so if my head is not screwed on straight, then, it reflects in my work. I don't have the luxury of nursing a grudge, or blaming other people for my problems or sitting in resentment. What I feel becomes real in a sense here.
So, I have had a day full of love and encouragement and have had the privilege of giving the same. Nice time to take a nap.
Net Worth
I attended a great dinner party tonight. George, a woman, pulled together two of us who are new to town and added more of her friends to welcome us. We shared great food together and non-stop conversation. We talked about everything and anything and we were so interested in what each other had to say.
I realize, upon reflection, that new people navigating conversations together is really a subtle and complex undertaking. We wind in and out of conversations, responses to one another and general sensing, reading body language, listening for tone, facial expression, intensity and work to understand each other's position.
At first I was quiet in that it has hurt me to talk for several days. I have had this head cold thing that plugged up my Eustachian tubes making my ears unable to equalize the pressure while flying. The doctor gave me great medication this afternoon and as we moved into the evening, the pain lessened and I joined in.
I asked a question about net worth and what that means to people. We decided that net worth needed to include all goal areas of life, not just financial. How does our balance sheet read in regard to the number of positive thoughts versus negative thoughts we have per day? How about in regard to our physical fitness versus poor health. And let's not forget our spiritual balance sheet; what do those assets look like? And mentally are we adding to life in an interesting way or self absorbed? I threw in my made up village joke about asking a commercial fisherman, "What is your net worth?" And he/she would answer that it was worth a lot since it is the main tool in making a living.
How do we measure our value as a person? What is the real balance sheet? What does it have on it?
I realize, upon reflection, that new people navigating conversations together is really a subtle and complex undertaking. We wind in and out of conversations, responses to one another and general sensing, reading body language, listening for tone, facial expression, intensity and work to understand each other's position.
At first I was quiet in that it has hurt me to talk for several days. I have had this head cold thing that plugged up my Eustachian tubes making my ears unable to equalize the pressure while flying. The doctor gave me great medication this afternoon and as we moved into the evening, the pain lessened and I joined in.
I asked a question about net worth and what that means to people. We decided that net worth needed to include all goal areas of life, not just financial. How does our balance sheet read in regard to the number of positive thoughts versus negative thoughts we have per day? How about in regard to our physical fitness versus poor health. And let's not forget our spiritual balance sheet; what do those assets look like? And mentally are we adding to life in an interesting way or self absorbed? I threw in my made up village joke about asking a commercial fisherman, "What is your net worth?" And he/she would answer that it was worth a lot since it is the main tool in making a living.
How do we measure our value as a person? What is the real balance sheet? What does it have on it?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
What's Just Normal in Alaska
Curry, on everything. Good times.
Yams, fixed in every way delicious.
Studded tires, encouragement all around to make this safety feature happen.
Mound of moose scat in your yard and never any other sign of the moose.
One-wheel bush plane landings. It's important, I'm told, to dip the wing against the wind and not to land flat so the wind does not get under the wing and flip the plane. I feel better knowing that, don't you? Yes, today, the pounding surf outside the window a few feet away made this landing even more special.
Wind watching, weather watching based on complicated marine systems.
Moose and reindeer sausage.
Sourdough everything. Big on sourdough up this way.
Flurry of plane ticket purchases to escape for a vacation during the winter months. Hawaii cheap fly direct fares. I"m looking into it. Go where it's raining or snowing, go to Hawaii. Just kidding.
Everyone has at least one dog. People think you're nuts if you don't have at least some kind of pet. Nuts, I say.
Lots of Salsa dancing. I have found that Alaskans pull in the fun from several cultures to make their own. I have never seen so many Salsa dancers, good ones at that.
Going to the dump. Not a lost time treasure here.
Cramming luggage, people and pets into small planes.
Giving rides all over town. We give rides from and to the airport just because we have our car with us. And, anywhere I"m walking in the village any number of cars, truck or 4 wheeler drivers stop to ask if I need a ride.
The door is always open to feed anyone who needs it and to provide shelter. People are expected to be nice, say their piece.
Passive-aggressive behavior is discouraged. Please be direct, it's cold out here is more likely to happen then people lying in wait to get you back for something you said. Direct, direct, direct. Let's get to the point and heal up this sore, we got to live together. And people know that if they hurt their neighbor, well, they might sit in the ditch a long time before "help" comes along. People are not just to be burned through, used and discarded if they don't serve a purpose. Everyone serves a purpose when it's you in the ditch.
Most of all, the saying, "If you don't know what you're doing, someone else does applies to Alaska." There are only three degrees of separation here. It's a big state land wise and a very small neighborhood. Word about you travels fast up this way. Best to be known for your pies, being reliable and most of all for being real.
Yams, fixed in every way delicious.
Studded tires, encouragement all around to make this safety feature happen.
Mound of moose scat in your yard and never any other sign of the moose.
One-wheel bush plane landings. It's important, I'm told, to dip the wing against the wind and not to land flat so the wind does not get under the wing and flip the plane. I feel better knowing that, don't you? Yes, today, the pounding surf outside the window a few feet away made this landing even more special.
Wind watching, weather watching based on complicated marine systems.
Moose and reindeer sausage.
Sourdough everything. Big on sourdough up this way.
Flurry of plane ticket purchases to escape for a vacation during the winter months. Hawaii cheap fly direct fares. I"m looking into it. Go where it's raining or snowing, go to Hawaii. Just kidding.
Everyone has at least one dog. People think you're nuts if you don't have at least some kind of pet. Nuts, I say.
Lots of Salsa dancing. I have found that Alaskans pull in the fun from several cultures to make their own. I have never seen so many Salsa dancers, good ones at that.
Going to the dump. Not a lost time treasure here.
Cramming luggage, people and pets into small planes.
Giving rides all over town. We give rides from and to the airport just because we have our car with us. And, anywhere I"m walking in the village any number of cars, truck or 4 wheeler drivers stop to ask if I need a ride.
The door is always open to feed anyone who needs it and to provide shelter. People are expected to be nice, say their piece.
Passive-aggressive behavior is discouraged. Please be direct, it's cold out here is more likely to happen then people lying in wait to get you back for something you said. Direct, direct, direct. Let's get to the point and heal up this sore, we got to live together. And people know that if they hurt their neighbor, well, they might sit in the ditch a long time before "help" comes along. People are not just to be burned through, used and discarded if they don't serve a purpose. Everyone serves a purpose when it's you in the ditch.
Most of all, the saying, "If you don't know what you're doing, someone else does applies to Alaska." There are only three degrees of separation here. It's a big state land wise and a very small neighborhood. Word about you travels fast up this way. Best to be known for your pies, being reliable and most of all for being real.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Flight In Between the Snow-Covered Mountain Peaks
Two young women and a baby climbed in behind me, I was in the middle row, with their singing, happy baby. Then, I recognized the other passenger getting ready to board with several pieces of luggage. All of this luggage was packed in behind the two women and the baby. The pilot suggested my colleague climb in beside me and she announced, "Wait, I have my dogs too." She went to her vehicle and brought out three small dogs, one small black dog and two szhnauzers. The black dog was handed in to my colleague in the co-pilot seat. The first szhnauzer, Mr. B, came onto my lap and then the family nurse practioner that I work with got in beside me and the third dog, Lilly was placed on her lap. I looked around at the pile of luggage behind the back seats, the two women behind me and the talking, laughing baby, then at the laps around me, all holding dogs, and thought about the added weight for take off in the winds. Then, I laughed to myself. Where else would all of us be flying together and holding dogs on our laps.
The flight went smoothly from that point with a rather noisy landing, lots of rubber on runway sounds, and then we started to pile out. Donna, with her first dog, then she took the one off from my lap, then I climbed out and the pilot handed me the third dog. Donna went to get her vehicle and I had that third dog on a leash while I tried to get my backpack and bag. Then, we all trudged off to our cars, said goodnight and drove off. All in a day's work.
Monday, October 11, 2010
We Just Have to Show Up
I feel as though I'm supposed to be getting ready for something, getting prepared. I keep thinking that I just have to show up. So, I tried that tonight in one of the villages I serve. They had experienced a tradegy two weeks ago and when I tried to talk to people, they said they were okay. I walked around the village tonight, just showing up, smiling and saying hello, and these same people shared how they were really feeling.
I had been sick and did not want to go to work today and thought I'd just show up. I ended up having a special day with many connections.
I showed up in Alaska, following the call. I showed back up in my own life not so long ago after my own tradegy four years ago. I show up at the office, the social events that lead to meeting people and in making those phone calls to loved ones.
It's the simple adages that are starting to make sense to me. Showing up, doing my best and forgetting the rest, doing my part, taking care of myself and knowing that all of Creation is moving in the path intended. Flowers just show up in the spring, seasons just show up every year and I'm showing up in a good way more each day.
I had been sick and did not want to go to work today and thought I'd just show up. I ended up having a special day with many connections.
I showed up in Alaska, following the call. I showed back up in my own life not so long ago after my own tradegy four years ago. I show up at the office, the social events that lead to meeting people and in making those phone calls to loved ones.
It's the simple adages that are starting to make sense to me. Showing up, doing my best and forgetting the rest, doing my part, taking care of myself and knowing that all of Creation is moving in the path intended. Flowers just show up in the spring, seasons just show up every year and I'm showing up in a good way more each day.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Couch, Bay, Mountains and Ann Wilson
Hello. I hope you are all having a fabulous weekend. I hear that Michigan is boasting an Indian Summer Day shining in at 78 degrees. Nice.
The weather was nice here in Alaska today, too. I, however, was building more of a relationship with the couch. The place from where I enjoy the view of the mountains, the bay and the spit. The couch, where Heart plays next to me through Bose speakers, making Ann Wilson's voice even more powerful. I believe I am forming a relationship with this couch and the view.
I have had partners complain that they could not get me to sit down. As soon as my bottom touched the chair, it was as though springs reacted and I stood. It seemed I always had so much to do. Well, that's changed. And I blame it on the view and this couch.
Tomorrow, I will go exploring, try for some camera angles and look for water taxi trips I want to take in the spring. Tomorrow, I visit the Bay Club to sit in the salt water pool and steam room, of course, after I work out. Tomorrow, I plan and pack for the next week of village hopping. Monday and Tuesday in Port Graham and Thursday and Friday in Nanwalek. I have had an offer to be introduced to more people this next week; part of my efforts to form a social group here.
I called my friends today, checked in with folks, listened to music, checked out the view and believe finished healing after a tough week.
Look for more photos as I find you more Alaska beauty.
The weather was nice here in Alaska today, too. I, however, was building more of a relationship with the couch. The place from where I enjoy the view of the mountains, the bay and the spit. The couch, where Heart plays next to me through Bose speakers, making Ann Wilson's voice even more powerful. I believe I am forming a relationship with this couch and the view.
I have had partners complain that they could not get me to sit down. As soon as my bottom touched the chair, it was as though springs reacted and I stood. It seemed I always had so much to do. Well, that's changed. And I blame it on the view and this couch.
Tomorrow, I will go exploring, try for some camera angles and look for water taxi trips I want to take in the spring. Tomorrow, I visit the Bay Club to sit in the salt water pool and steam room, of course, after I work out. Tomorrow, I plan and pack for the next week of village hopping. Monday and Tuesday in Port Graham and Thursday and Friday in Nanwalek. I have had an offer to be introduced to more people this next week; part of my efforts to form a social group here.
I called my friends today, checked in with folks, listened to music, checked out the view and believe finished healing after a tough week.
Look for more photos as I find you more Alaska beauty.
Friday, October 8, 2010
When It Comes Right Down To It
I worked sick with the flu this week. I found my way through a funeral, supporting lots of people and working to bring a sense of closure to many folks. And they supported me. I was never without hot soup, bread and phone calls to see if I needed anything.
Most interesting to me were these observations this week, at least these that I can share publicly:
Most interesting to me were these observations this week, at least these that I can share publicly:
- I was taken care of as I was taking care of others
- I was told by several Native Alaskans that I have the beautiful eyes of a spirit healer. Several elders exclaimed, "Look at those beautiful Indian eyes."
- I learned that I am never alone wherever I am
- I learned that with enough pain relievers, stomach medication and decongestants, I can fly home in a small plane when sick
- I saw a huge bird sitting by the runway. I thought it was a turkey from up in the air, however, it was the biggest eagle I have ever seen. It was huge.
- I learned that Anchorage is called Los Anchorage up here
- I burned lots of sage because the place where I was staying had lots of very strange noises in the night, footsteps, doors shutting and general mayhem while I was trying to sleep
- King Kong is a rather dumb movie in my opinion but better than nothing when you're sick far away from home
- I learned never to sit with the traditional elders at a feast because they try to get you to eat disgusting food choices: trust the appearance of no dish
- I learned that Native Alaskans are really very worldly in many ways
- I am remembering that it is best to go where open arms receive me, where judgment is suspended and where people want to know your heart, not what you can do to serve them
- I am remembering that it is hard to let go of past negative experiences to trust new experiences and that there are truly good people who give just to give, just because it gives them pleasure to give
- I remembered just how amazing my family and friends back in Michigan are and what they have taught me about loving myself and each other
- And, I love care packages: thank you Pat and Barbe
- Life is good: Mish'n gwa
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Random Thoughts
Hello. I have a rates right up there new experience from today. I went to visit the home of a deceased person to console their family. I entered the mud room and turned the corner to enter the kitchen and right there, two steps from the door was the open casket of the deceased. I fell backward out the doorway and my boss caught me. A little warning folks. My startled face seem to be a source of amusement for just a moment and then traditional courtesy set in.
After we left, I was walking along with my boss and said in my chock full of manners way, "Jesus Jim, that scared the hell out of me." He laughed all the way down the road and apologized for not reminding me of the Russian Orthodox ritual. I am learning much.
I have had many, many people sit in front of me questioning how to reconcile their traditional Native beliefs with their strong faith and church beliefs. I can only ask each person to look into his/her heart. How does it feel to say, "My Grandfather believed..." along with, "I am very religious and the church tells me opposite of my Grandfather?" I cannot answer that for them. Which brings me to this thought that I woke up with.
How can anyone else possibly know what is best for another person? The sayings: If you only knew what was good for you would do this. If you only listened to me your life would go better. How can anybody else be judge and jury for anyone else? The more connected I feel to Creation, the more individual I feel in the eyes of my Creator. What is best for me is between me and my Creator. What is best for you is something you, alone, can determine.
This understanding frees me up so much. I don't have to have the answers. I don't have to have your answers. And, I already have all my answers deep within me waiting to awaken or right at the surface, easy to pick like low hanging fruit.
Can you hear my laughter? My I feel free laughter? I think these new experiences are jarring something loose in me. I said recently, that being human is not an excuse to judge, being human would appear instead, to be a reason we are not qualified to do so. So, as I peel the octopus tenacles of judgment off from me and hand them back to the judge, I lift a weight from me and give it right back where it belongs. I love this being over 50 stuff.
After we left, I was walking along with my boss and said in my chock full of manners way, "Jesus Jim, that scared the hell out of me." He laughed all the way down the road and apologized for not reminding me of the Russian Orthodox ritual. I am learning much.
I have had many, many people sit in front of me questioning how to reconcile their traditional Native beliefs with their strong faith and church beliefs. I can only ask each person to look into his/her heart. How does it feel to say, "My Grandfather believed..." along with, "I am very religious and the church tells me opposite of my Grandfather?" I cannot answer that for them. Which brings me to this thought that I woke up with.
How can anyone else possibly know what is best for another person? The sayings: If you only knew what was good for you would do this. If you only listened to me your life would go better. How can anybody else be judge and jury for anyone else? The more connected I feel to Creation, the more individual I feel in the eyes of my Creator. What is best for me is between me and my Creator. What is best for you is something you, alone, can determine.
This understanding frees me up so much. I don't have to have the answers. I don't have to have your answers. And, I already have all my answers deep within me waiting to awaken or right at the surface, easy to pick like low hanging fruit.
Can you hear my laughter? My I feel free laughter? I think these new experiences are jarring something loose in me. I said recently, that being human is not an excuse to judge, being human would appear instead, to be a reason we are not qualified to do so. So, as I peel the octopus tenacles of judgment off from me and hand them back to the judge, I lift a weight from me and give it right back where it belongs. I love this being over 50 stuff.
We are all many things
Hello. I leave again in the morning for the village of Nanwalek. I am looking forward to talking to folks that I've only just begun to know.
I attended a movie tonight, The Topp Twins, best movie I think I've ever seen. I was so inspired by these twins, lesbians from New Zealand, entertainers who actually helped to change the world in some awe-provoking ways. After the movie a group of women approached me to ask if I were new in town. We chatted and they told me that I'd better form my social group now because when winter comes, well, everyone hibernates. So, I asked if that were an invitation, they laughed, gave me phone numbers and welcomed me to Homer. Aah, the winter holds hope for hot cups of coffee all around.
This weekend I may be attending a conference in Anchorage and am looking forward to finding a place to dance. When I first moved up here, I fretted abit about the isolation potential. The, I realized that wherever I go I meet fantastic people who see my heart and that my gift appears to be the ability to listen to anyone. Translate in American terms: talk to anyone.
I had a great talk with my friend Marianne tonight who throughout our conversation amazed me with her wit. She is quicker on the comeback draw than anyone I have ever met. I informed her that I would not want to take her on in a debate or in any adversarial forum. I totally admire her on the side of right, my side. I would wisely run were we facing off :) She is my constant reminder of two great women who came out of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. She still lives there and I've lived around, however, we started out our adventures when we still wore diapers. We don't back down from anything, strong women. And trust me, we had to fight hard in the land of harsh winters, men trying to rule, parents who expected us to be kind and do right when that was so hard on the two of us, falls from the roof of the house, off the sides of cliffs (on skis), on the ice, off from bikes while wearing one roller skate and while figuring out how to toddle home with pee-soaked snow suits. Okay, this would happen because we got too cold or laughed too hard or maybe waited way too long.
All we needed were our bikes, a cheese sandwich and a clear day and we were off. Hours in the woods, on the sides of hills, swimming in Lake Michigan, amazing times outside, riding our tricycles in her basement and always, always being active. We ran, jumped, played, explored and used our imaginations. (That last part not always to good end) What happens in the lives of children who do not have that one friend that will fight to the end for them, defend you even if you're wrong and get you to run off with them, especially if they've done wrong? I learned what fierce, protective love and friendship is all about from that one, wonderful friend. And today, I'm in Alaska and she's referring to me as Eskimo Woman on an adventure most people would try in their 30's, not in their 50's. I think we expect no less from each other.
She doesn't have to leave the Upper Peninsula for adventure. She marches off into the woods at dusk, her dog by her side to find her son who is lost in the snowy woods. She shows the same fierce love for her children that she showed at 6 years old toward her friend and will fight for them to the end. She drives in blizzards to take her family to important appointments and helps out those less fortunate with some interesting outcomes. She, too, can listen or talk to anyone. Nothing stops her. Nothing stops her, nothing. I have realized throughout this writing that to have Marianne believe in me today means as much to me as her belief in me when I was a scrawny kid, when I had to get glasses and when I couldn't keep up with her athletically. She loved me, believed in me and cheered me on then and still does today.
You see, Alaska is not so far away. As Pat in Salem explains to me, prayer goes straight up to God and then beams right down to the person it is intended for. I can close my eyes, see my friends and send them sustaining, pure love. And please know, you are each in my prayers as well. Right on, Marianne. Right on.
I attended a movie tonight, The Topp Twins, best movie I think I've ever seen. I was so inspired by these twins, lesbians from New Zealand, entertainers who actually helped to change the world in some awe-provoking ways. After the movie a group of women approached me to ask if I were new in town. We chatted and they told me that I'd better form my social group now because when winter comes, well, everyone hibernates. So, I asked if that were an invitation, they laughed, gave me phone numbers and welcomed me to Homer. Aah, the winter holds hope for hot cups of coffee all around.
This weekend I may be attending a conference in Anchorage and am looking forward to finding a place to dance. When I first moved up here, I fretted abit about the isolation potential. The, I realized that wherever I go I meet fantastic people who see my heart and that my gift appears to be the ability to listen to anyone. Translate in American terms: talk to anyone.
I had a great talk with my friend Marianne tonight who throughout our conversation amazed me with her wit. She is quicker on the comeback draw than anyone I have ever met. I informed her that I would not want to take her on in a debate or in any adversarial forum. I totally admire her on the side of right, my side. I would wisely run were we facing off :) She is my constant reminder of two great women who came out of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. She still lives there and I've lived around, however, we started out our adventures when we still wore diapers. We don't back down from anything, strong women. And trust me, we had to fight hard in the land of harsh winters, men trying to rule, parents who expected us to be kind and do right when that was so hard on the two of us, falls from the roof of the house, off the sides of cliffs (on skis), on the ice, off from bikes while wearing one roller skate and while figuring out how to toddle home with pee-soaked snow suits. Okay, this would happen because we got too cold or laughed too hard or maybe waited way too long.
All we needed were our bikes, a cheese sandwich and a clear day and we were off. Hours in the woods, on the sides of hills, swimming in Lake Michigan, amazing times outside, riding our tricycles in her basement and always, always being active. We ran, jumped, played, explored and used our imaginations. (That last part not always to good end) What happens in the lives of children who do not have that one friend that will fight to the end for them, defend you even if you're wrong and get you to run off with them, especially if they've done wrong? I learned what fierce, protective love and friendship is all about from that one, wonderful friend. And today, I'm in Alaska and she's referring to me as Eskimo Woman on an adventure most people would try in their 30's, not in their 50's. I think we expect no less from each other.
She doesn't have to leave the Upper Peninsula for adventure. She marches off into the woods at dusk, her dog by her side to find her son who is lost in the snowy woods. She shows the same fierce love for her children that she showed at 6 years old toward her friend and will fight for them to the end. She drives in blizzards to take her family to important appointments and helps out those less fortunate with some interesting outcomes. She, too, can listen or talk to anyone. Nothing stops her. Nothing stops her, nothing. I have realized throughout this writing that to have Marianne believe in me today means as much to me as her belief in me when I was a scrawny kid, when I had to get glasses and when I couldn't keep up with her athletically. She loved me, believed in me and cheered me on then and still does today.
You see, Alaska is not so far away. As Pat in Salem explains to me, prayer goes straight up to God and then beams right down to the person it is intended for. I can close my eyes, see my friends and send them sustaining, pure love. And please know, you are each in my prayers as well. Right on, Marianne. Right on.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Snow Covering More of the Mountain Tops
I was told that six miles outside of town, Diamond Ridge at higher elevation, the snow was sticking to the ground last night. I was assured it would melt before morning. I stepped out my front door with my feet bare this morning to shoot these photographs. I walked out slowly to the edge of the bluff, in awe, and returned more quickly, in pain. My senses were alive. I smelled the crisp air and wet trees, heard the birds chirping and then chirping more loudly at me, saw the water, sunlight and beauty of the snow on the mountains, felt the cold, damp earth on the soles of my feet and tasted the moisture. Alive. Remember recently when I wrote about New York State of Mind? I wrote that hauling my stuff, driving myself in that van and taking care of myself were not things I would want to trade. I wrote that these things were real. I read a paragraph last night that explained this better than I could say it at the time.; I'll get to that in a moment.
I have picked up Tom Brown, Jr's books again. The bookshelf in the kitchen holds several that came with the cabin. I had started with The Tracker years ago and then had been caught up in life. I realized, while looking at that shelf, that I have everything I need right here to go deeper, to finish things I had begun, to explore. I knew I had things to do while I was here, in this moment, in this place. Yes, there is this exam for which to study, survival guides to read that will remind me of priorities, hikes to take, people to meet, foods to try, sensory experiences only lived by living them. I knew right there in front of that bookshelf that I would remember who I am here. I had that remembering supported when I opened the front of The Search and I read the following paragraph written by Tom Brown, JR :
I once asked my old Apache friend and teacher, Stalking Wolf, why he would not be cold in the winter or hot in the summrer. His answer was, "I am both, but I am not bothered by them."
"Why?" I asked.
He looked at me for a long time, trying to decide, I feel, if I was ready to receive his answer. Then he said, "Because they are real."
I've spent a long time trying to understand those words the only way I know how--by living them.
After a month of living in Alaska, hiking around the villages, carrying my own bags, packing in my food, humbly observing the ways of subsistence living, having enough quiet to hear my own thoughts and listening to the stories of others, I was delighted to have sitting in my home the books that I longed to read at one time and had forgotten about. The circle, the cycle, the everything we need will appear in the moment the universe knows we need it, fills my mind. Much is taken, much is given. And in every moment we have exactly what we need. In a word, faith.
Natives have been reminding me that the eagle has to teach its baby how to be an eagle, the deer teaches her fawn how to be a deer, the lion teaches her cub how to be a lion and a human teaches its baby how to be a human. If we are to survive, take only what we need, give back more than we take and learn to be a human, it would seem the quality of the teacher would really matter. I see parents scolding their chilren for rages, for acting out, for being greedy, for not sharing and the simple lesson I am reminded of here: The eagle teaches its baby how to be an eagle. How powerful is that?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Nothing Much Today
I was sitting on the couch looking out over the bay. A bird, large white/gray bird, not a seagull, was starting to fly into sight. A gust of wind came up and the bird was flapping really hard to maintain but instead started to glide backwards. The flapping effort intensified and then the bird started once again toward a forward motion.
A reminder that though huge wind gusts hit us if we flap real hard we'll make forward progress. Probably for human beings that does not mean flap our lips or jaws.
I had this vision of spinning my wheels really hard, throwing up mud and not gaining traction. All wheel drive helps, the right tires help, boards, kitty litter, sand, carpet pieces, logs, big people pushing, a moose putting his/her shoulder to the rear of the car to push, all help.
The point, I didn't see any other birds coming up from behind to give that bird a shove. I didn't see anything but the power of that bird that gave it traction, helped it gain momentum. That's where we humans are different. Sometimes, the only way to get started back up is with a push.
I think we have all felt the kick of someone's boot when we've been down and hopefully we've all felt the love of someone who helps us get started again when our engine has stalled. I place my bet on the one who lends a hand actually going the distance. Thank you M & J in Michigan. You know who you are. EH in Michigan. P & B in Oregon. JLA in Oregon. MB in Michigan. CBQ in Michigan. VLB in Michigan. J & M in Canada. BH in Oregon. S & N in Oregon.
That bird today made me think of all the times I've reached out my hand, placed it in each of yours and had you pull me back to my feet. Blessings. And please know, I'll put a shoulder to your rear, I mean a shoulder to the rear of your stalled car, I mean I'll take your hand and pull you up anytime you need it.
A reminder that though huge wind gusts hit us if we flap real hard we'll make forward progress. Probably for human beings that does not mean flap our lips or jaws.
I had this vision of spinning my wheels really hard, throwing up mud and not gaining traction. All wheel drive helps, the right tires help, boards, kitty litter, sand, carpet pieces, logs, big people pushing, a moose putting his/her shoulder to the rear of the car to push, all help.
The point, I didn't see any other birds coming up from behind to give that bird a shove. I didn't see anything but the power of that bird that gave it traction, helped it gain momentum. That's where we humans are different. Sometimes, the only way to get started back up is with a push.
I think we have all felt the kick of someone's boot when we've been down and hopefully we've all felt the love of someone who helps us get started again when our engine has stalled. I place my bet on the one who lends a hand actually going the distance. Thank you M & J in Michigan. You know who you are. EH in Michigan. P & B in Oregon. JLA in Oregon. MB in Michigan. CBQ in Michigan. VLB in Michigan. J & M in Canada. BH in Oregon. S & N in Oregon.
That bird today made me think of all the times I've reached out my hand, placed it in each of yours and had you pull me back to my feet. Blessings. And please know, I'll put a shoulder to your rear, I mean a shoulder to the rear of your stalled car, I mean I'll take your hand and pull you up anytime you need it.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Rough Around the Edges
I grew weary of being here a few days ago. Too much sadness and pain. I leave tonight to return to my home and that's my focus to get through helping people through more grief today. I feel badly for everyone involved and realize that tough times bring out both the best and worst in people.
This morning I thought I'd change my focus from the outer world to some of the thoughts that swim around in my head. I have been in total culture shock and I don't even want to tell you what I've seen done during the eating of a fish head. I will spare you the horror.
I have had many moments to contrast dominant culture with, well, let's say here and Oregon and Michigan. Dominant culture license to practice my work meant that I went to school for many years. My Medicine Man told me about going to school, "Go get those pieces of paper that you need to practice your work but don't forget what you know." While living in Oregon, I heard so much about schools attended and pedigree, very opposite of "don't forget what you know." The respect for education in Native culture is to allow us to be of more service to the Creator. It does not make anybody any better than anyone else to have a degree. I was told that the villages would not have accepted me if I had not come with a good heart. While there a dominant-culture approach to my interview with the Corporation, the elders from the villages had sat and stared at me, then made their decision. Talk about juxtaposing two cultures.
Rough around the edges in Oregon might look like: long, gray or silver hair, birkenstocks, hands obvious to gardening, who might be seen at a conert in town with dirty jeans and make comments requiring interpretation by some. Things like, "Don't come in here much, thought I'd see too damn many Republicans." Perhaps followed by, "Slugs are really bad this year." And the closing statement, "Can't stand organized religion." Polite nods all around.
Alaska rough around the edges: that range hardly lends itself to words. Looks so much don't cover the rough, it's more like Ozzy Osbourne saying, "I cannot stand organized religion." "I'm fascinated by conspiracy theories." "I'm addicted to exercise since I hate feeling overweight." "I love my dog more than I do most people." And there's more, new age healing, stands right beside the obvious rifle standing against the front seat of the pickup truck. Dress shoes are extra tuff rubber boots, even on sunny days. Fishing jackets and not dirty rain pants could also stand in as dress clothes. Holes acceptable, stains not so much for fancy occasions. Fancy meaning a funeral or wedding. All the other stuff might not raise the dress standards even a notch. There are lots of not rough around the edges people who show up in tan slacks and their best North Face fleece jacket. Oregon had an excellent handle on its Northwest outdoor gear as well. Right on.
I'm having fun writing this as it takes my mind off from things.
Last night, I sat at a village resident's dinner table, found out that one of the dinner guests is a professional singer. So, I asked her to sing something and she did, beautifully. Soon, we were joining her in gospel, old hymns and country and western songs. I found a way last night to pull together the old church hymns that I love, a group of women over dinner, talk of Native Spirituality, all this while the news played on the television in the background. After dinner, we joined in candling our ears. This all seemed normal to me and I was grateful that, aside frommy refusal to eat fish heads, I seem to flow naturally between both dominant and Native culture. Nice.
I'm watching an eagle circle as I write. Beautiful, really.
This morning I thought I'd change my focus from the outer world to some of the thoughts that swim around in my head. I have been in total culture shock and I don't even want to tell you what I've seen done during the eating of a fish head. I will spare you the horror.
I have had many moments to contrast dominant culture with, well, let's say here and Oregon and Michigan. Dominant culture license to practice my work meant that I went to school for many years. My Medicine Man told me about going to school, "Go get those pieces of paper that you need to practice your work but don't forget what you know." While living in Oregon, I heard so much about schools attended and pedigree, very opposite of "don't forget what you know." The respect for education in Native culture is to allow us to be of more service to the Creator. It does not make anybody any better than anyone else to have a degree. I was told that the villages would not have accepted me if I had not come with a good heart. While there a dominant-culture approach to my interview with the Corporation, the elders from the villages had sat and stared at me, then made their decision. Talk about juxtaposing two cultures.
Rough around the edges in Oregon might look like: long, gray or silver hair, birkenstocks, hands obvious to gardening, who might be seen at a conert in town with dirty jeans and make comments requiring interpretation by some. Things like, "Don't come in here much, thought I'd see too damn many Republicans." Perhaps followed by, "Slugs are really bad this year." And the closing statement, "Can't stand organized religion." Polite nods all around.
Alaska rough around the edges: that range hardly lends itself to words. Looks so much don't cover the rough, it's more like Ozzy Osbourne saying, "I cannot stand organized religion." "I'm fascinated by conspiracy theories." "I'm addicted to exercise since I hate feeling overweight." "I love my dog more than I do most people." And there's more, new age healing, stands right beside the obvious rifle standing against the front seat of the pickup truck. Dress shoes are extra tuff rubber boots, even on sunny days. Fishing jackets and not dirty rain pants could also stand in as dress clothes. Holes acceptable, stains not so much for fancy occasions. Fancy meaning a funeral or wedding. All the other stuff might not raise the dress standards even a notch. There are lots of not rough around the edges people who show up in tan slacks and their best North Face fleece jacket. Oregon had an excellent handle on its Northwest outdoor gear as well. Right on.
I'm having fun writing this as it takes my mind off from things.
Last night, I sat at a village resident's dinner table, found out that one of the dinner guests is a professional singer. So, I asked her to sing something and she did, beautifully. Soon, we were joining her in gospel, old hymns and country and western songs. I found a way last night to pull together the old church hymns that I love, a group of women over dinner, talk of Native Spirituality, all this while the news played on the television in the background. After dinner, we joined in candling our ears. This all seemed normal to me and I was grateful that, aside frommy refusal to eat fish heads, I seem to flow naturally between both dominant and Native culture. Nice.
I'm watching an eagle circle as I write. Beautiful, really.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Why We Don't Fly Fish Naked
Just one of the topics we discussed tonight. Alaskan humorist who draw cartoons to make it clear why we don't fly fish naked and other such nonsense.
Alaska where the night lasts all day--great place for a one night stand.
Alaska: the odds are good and the good are odd
I asked them how anyone could drive around with an old van that has large gold words on it--free candy. We discussed how wrong that is on so many levels. I told them that this van would immediately make my friends suspicious. They laughed out loud and said, "you think." And yet, the man drives around town in that van.
The house that says the name of the town followed by Bible Academy. The Academy was purchased and turned into a house, the family lives there and the sign remains right on the side of the house.
The What Would Jesus Brew on the coffee shop window.
The t-shirt: your bait stinks and your boat is ugly.
The clinics with signs outside that say: We remove fish hooks here. The hospital that has a huge poster person that the fish hooks are placed on.
The sign: If you don't know what you're doing, someone else does. (Small town humor).
Fly-in Moose Hunting (regular bush pilot Alaskan joke)
Lloyd and Bruce fly in to the Alaskan interior to go moose hunting. They have a good hunt, and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, "This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment, and both of these animals--you'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take-off."
"That's baloney", says Bruce.
"Yeah," Lloyd agrees, "you're just chicken. We came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts; he wasn't afraid to take off."
"Yeah," said Bruce, "and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours!"
The pilot got angry, and said, "Well, if he did it, then I can do it, I can fly as well as anybody!" They loaded up, taxied at full throttle, and the plane almost made it, but didn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the lake. It clipped the top, then flipped, then broke up, scattering the baggage, animal carcasses, and passengers all through the brush.
Still alive, but shaken and dazed, the pilot sat up, shook his head to clear it, and said "Where are we?"
Bruce rolled out from being thrown in a bush, looked around, and said, "I'd say, about a hundred yards further than last year."
The Stranger (another Alaskan standby)
One night a musher, who had spent many days on the trail, pulled into a small town that liked to tease strangers, which he was. Seeking refreshment, he entered the town's tavern and ordered a beer. Finishing his beer, he exited the tavern only to discover that his entire dog team was missing. He turned and walked back into the tavern and pulled a shotgun out from under his large coat. He tossed it into the air and caught it above his head, firing a shot into the ceiling. "I'm going to have another beer," he announced in a stern voice, "and when I'm done with it, I'm going back outside. I'd better see my dog team returned. If it isn't, I'm going to do what I had to do in Misvik, and believe me, I don't like to do what I had to do in Misvik." A few of the locals shuffled nervously in their seats as the stranger returned to the bar and ordered another beer and drank it as slowly and calmly as the first one. After finishing his beer, he left the tavern again, this time to find his team back where it originally was. Before he mushed off into the darkness, the bartender came outside and asked him "Before you go, stranger, tell me - what did you have to do in Misvik?" "I had to walk home."
Alaskan Computer Terms (I just go where they point me)
Log on: Make the wood stove hotter.
Log off: Don't add no more wood.
Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove.
Download: Getting the firewood off the truck.
Floppy Disk: What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.
Ram: The thing that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter.
Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire".
Window: What to shut when it's cold outside.
Screen: What to shut during mosquito season.
Byte: What mosquitoes do.
Bit: What the mosquitoes did.
Megabyte: What BIG mosquitoes do.
Chip: Munchies when monitoring.
Microchip: What's left after you eat the chips.
Modem: What you did to the weeds.
Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where kitty sleeps.
Mouse: What eats the food in your pantry.
Mainframe: What holds the house up.
Web: The things spiders make.
Web Site: The garage or attic.
Cursor: Someone who swears a lot.
Search Engine: What you do when the truck dies.
Screen Saver: A repair kit for the torn window screen.
Home Page: A map you keep in your back pocket just in case you get lost when hunting moose.
Upgrade: Driving up into Atigun Pass.
Sound Card: One of them technological birthday cards that plays music.
User: Buddy down the street who keeps coming over borrowing stuff.
Network: When you have to repair your fishing net.
Internet: Where the fish get caught.
Netscape: When a fish gets away.
On-line: When you get the laundry on the clothesline.
Off-line: When the clothespin lets go and the laundry falls on the ground.
Most sorry I feel for a moose is when they run under a swing set and start running around with the swingset on their antlers. They shake off the bars and are left with the chain and swing swinging in the middle of their rack. This told while everyone present is hooting, hollering and spitting laughter. Goodnight.
Alaska where the night lasts all day--great place for a one night stand.
Alaska: the odds are good and the good are odd
I asked them how anyone could drive around with an old van that has large gold words on it--free candy. We discussed how wrong that is on so many levels. I told them that this van would immediately make my friends suspicious. They laughed out loud and said, "you think." And yet, the man drives around town in that van.
The house that says the name of the town followed by Bible Academy. The Academy was purchased and turned into a house, the family lives there and the sign remains right on the side of the house.
The What Would Jesus Brew on the coffee shop window.
The t-shirt: your bait stinks and your boat is ugly.
The clinics with signs outside that say: We remove fish hooks here. The hospital that has a huge poster person that the fish hooks are placed on.
The sign: If you don't know what you're doing, someone else does. (Small town humor).
Fly-in Moose Hunting (regular bush pilot Alaskan joke)
Lloyd and Bruce fly in to the Alaskan interior to go moose hunting. They have a good hunt, and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, "This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment, and both of these animals--you'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take-off."
"That's baloney", says Bruce.
"Yeah," Lloyd agrees, "you're just chicken. We came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts; he wasn't afraid to take off."
"Yeah," said Bruce, "and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours!"
The pilot got angry, and said, "Well, if he did it, then I can do it, I can fly as well as anybody!" They loaded up, taxied at full throttle, and the plane almost made it, but didn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the lake. It clipped the top, then flipped, then broke up, scattering the baggage, animal carcasses, and passengers all through the brush.
Still alive, but shaken and dazed, the pilot sat up, shook his head to clear it, and said "Where are we?"
Bruce rolled out from being thrown in a bush, looked around, and said, "I'd say, about a hundred yards further than last year."
The Stranger (another Alaskan standby)
One night a musher, who had spent many days on the trail, pulled into a small town that liked to tease strangers, which he was. Seeking refreshment, he entered the town's tavern and ordered a beer. Finishing his beer, he exited the tavern only to discover that his entire dog team was missing. He turned and walked back into the tavern and pulled a shotgun out from under his large coat. He tossed it into the air and caught it above his head, firing a shot into the ceiling. "I'm going to have another beer," he announced in a stern voice, "and when I'm done with it, I'm going back outside. I'd better see my dog team returned. If it isn't, I'm going to do what I had to do in Misvik, and believe me, I don't like to do what I had to do in Misvik." A few of the locals shuffled nervously in their seats as the stranger returned to the bar and ordered another beer and drank it as slowly and calmly as the first one. After finishing his beer, he left the tavern again, this time to find his team back where it originally was. Before he mushed off into the darkness, the bartender came outside and asked him "Before you go, stranger, tell me - what did you have to do in Misvik?" "I had to walk home."
Alaskan Computer Terms (I just go where they point me)
Log on: Make the wood stove hotter.
Log off: Don't add no more wood.
Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove.
Download: Getting the firewood off the truck.
Floppy Disk: What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.
Ram: The thing that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter.
Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire".
Window: What to shut when it's cold outside.
Screen: What to shut during mosquito season.
Byte: What mosquitoes do.
Bit: What the mosquitoes did.
Megabyte: What BIG mosquitoes do.
Chip: Munchies when monitoring.
Microchip: What's left after you eat the chips.
Modem: What you did to the weeds.
Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where kitty sleeps.
Mouse: What eats the food in your pantry.
Mainframe: What holds the house up.
Web: The things spiders make.
Web Site: The garage or attic.
Cursor: Someone who swears a lot.
Search Engine: What you do when the truck dies.
Screen Saver: A repair kit for the torn window screen.
Home Page: A map you keep in your back pocket just in case you get lost when hunting moose.
Upgrade: Driving up into Atigun Pass.
Sound Card: One of them technological birthday cards that plays music.
User: Buddy down the street who keeps coming over borrowing stuff.
Network: When you have to repair your fishing net.
Internet: Where the fish get caught.
Netscape: When a fish gets away.
On-line: When you get the laundry on the clothesline.
Off-line: When the clothespin lets go and the laundry falls on the ground.
Most sorry I feel for a moose is when they run under a swing set and start running around with the swingset on their antlers. They shake off the bars and are left with the chain and swing swinging in the middle of their rack. This told while everyone present is hooting, hollering and spitting laughter. Goodnight.
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