Mountain Majesty

Sunset last night at Bishop's Beach

I was sitting in meditation this morning, sage burning, soft music playing and felt this pull to open my eyes, to look out.  There, in front of me, this majestic mountain range held up the clouds, punctuated by spots where the peaks poked through.  My eyes held and soaked in the peaceful blue of the sky and I watched as eagles, seagulls and ravens flew by.  The world, everyone else's world was happening as I was trying to slow my down to focus on the Creator.  I opened my eyes to Creation.  Eyes closed:  Creator.  Eyes open:  Creation.  There is no separation only degree of foucs and intention. 
Human beings often cannot realize the proximity of their own heart to their spine, their knee to their foot, their hip to their shoulder.  Referred pain or traveling pain, like the shoulder is hurt and the pain travels down to the hand, seems foreign to us due to the perceived distance.  And yet, all is connected.  For example, if we hurt a foot, it throws off our back to walk and thus our neck.  Not much distance between that foot and that neck, just perceived distance.
Not much distance between spirit world and this physical constructed reality either.  One person described thin air as spaces where spirit can really be felt.  Some call them the vortices, such as those found in Sedona,  AZ.  I propose that it is all thin air, that there really is not distance at all between the Creator and Creation.  I am part of Creation, you are part of Creation, therefore, we are part of the Creator.  I wonder if that mountain range looks back at me and purports such a thought as this, "Look at her standing on that bluff, the blue sky around her, her beautiful green eyes and listen to her sing as she fills the air with song."  I wonder if that mountain would like to get together with me sometime, have me climb about on her and sit on her.  Two friends, part of the Creator and Creation. 
I am one.  I am two.  I am all things, everything if I accept being fully connected to all.  I do my part and what about this ability, if part of all, to draw on all for wisdom, healing, teaching and knowing?  Think about it, if you will, we have access to all historical records in the sound of the whale, hundreds of years of history recorded in the rings system of a tree, century old rocks that have seen it all, other humans who have specialized in something and access to the Great Spirit, Gitchii Manitou.  Confusion and suffering is optional.  Eyes wide open, heart wide open, curiosity pedal pressed to the floor, wondering alive and moments to ponder plenty...I see you.

Pheasants and Beautiful Scenes

Pheasant through glass, not under glass, my kitchen window.  Found the big bird in my kitchen staring at me, not even injured.

Couch in front of window.  We've been cleaning up glass for days.  I am so glad nobody was sitting on this couch.  Glass shards and possible impaling by pheasant.

Just saying hello to ya'll from Alaska.  Usually wearing a coat it seems.

Right off the bluff in front of our cabin.  We think the pheasant that went through the window was being chased by one of these eagles.

Eagle at attention as I walk by to see another.

I walk up on eagles in my trees, sit by eagles, pet eagles and stand by eagles.  How glorious.

A few months ago at Bishop's Beach.  There is much more sand showing now.

No matter what is going on around us there is always something of beauty on which to focus.  Sometimes we find ourselves in a room full of people so different from ourselves.  There is strength in numbers so if we are different than the group we are with it doesn't mean we are less than.  We are just different.  I once sat in a classroom of all African Americans in a Black Literature class just to feel what  it was like to be the minority in the classroom.  I loved the class, the teachings and yet I felt very uncomfortable each time I entered the room.  I talked, looked and experienced life differently than the majority of foks I was sitting among.  I was young and did not have the courage to inquire into their experiences; I was there for the love of literature and to feel, to experience what it must be like to stand out in a room as the one who was very different.  I have carried that teaching with me forever and it has provided me with a better degree of compassion.

In the movie the Green Mile, the Healer, falsely accused and living on death row, just before being executed states that he can feel the hatred toward him in the room of watchers.  He said it felt like a hundred bee stings.  The guard told him to just feel what the guards felt toward him because they had respect and love for him.  That was a powerful moment for me in the movie, a reminder that all sorts of people can be around us, judging us, determining our worth from their position of superiority and yet if we just center on, focus on the love of the people who see our hearts, we will be okay.  Focus on the Creator, focus on good, focus on loved ones...they might not be right in the room with us, however, they are there in spirit.  My prayer?  I hope that I am a someone that brings peace, a feeling of safety, a good thought, a smile, when someone I love is feeling down, or maybe just not supported or is in a rough situation. 

Women in Alaska

FIRST FEMALE BUSH PILOT I WAS ABLE TO PHOTOGRAPH

Women of Alaska, the smile of many a newcomer to Alaska is the thought that many of the women act and look like lesbian women down in the lower 48.  It's not so much the look, it's the energy.  And it's a compliment.  It does make it hard for a lesbian woman to arrive in Alaska and know who to ask out on a date.  Okay, maybe some of the look indicates a willingness to grab a galeforce wind, motor a skiff out on rough waters and fillet one's own fish, however, that aside, it's still the energy.  Yes, the clothing sometimes consists of great boots, jeans or wind pants and fabulous technical season gear.  The Subaru vehicles will be complete with Kayak racks.  I may have just described myself in some fashion.  Let's see:  I drive a Subaru, ride bush planes nearly daily to work, own a chainsaw and work in rather lawless settings.

While sitting at my first fundraiser dinner in Homer, a large group of actually quite feminine looking women were announcing that the women of Homer are great.  They were telling me it may be hard to find a great man in that there is somewhat of an Alaskan flavor to the men.  I listened intently and then they went on to talk about the self sufficient, neat, wise, smart, talented women of Homer.  I announced that life had started to look up for me because I bat for the other team.  They laughed so hard.  And there I was, out in Homer.

I have found a freedom in the clear talking about who I am.  Somewhere along the line I had swallowed a huge dose of homophobia and had begun to think that I should not put people through listening to me describe the love in my life because it might make them uncomfortable.  Love, the talk of love, making people uncomfortable?  And yet, hours are spent discussing ugly events and darkness and negative, fear-making stories....then, I realized that we are also asked not to openly talk about our love for God because that might make people uncomfortable.

I find myself living in a world where talking about the two great loves of my life:  God and my beautiful wife, Leigh, might make people uncomfortable. Imagine that.  Really, hopefully imagining that makes people uncomfortable.

I am a Native woman, a recovering alcoholic starting my 24th year of sobriety on March 21st (all glory back to the Creator), a lesbian, two-spirited, spirit healer minority, minority, minority.  I am supposed to be the silent, marginalized, living on the fringe, lacking a voice, oppressed woman, according to societal expectation, and yet, I have never felt so alive and powerful. 

Ahh, I think it has something to do with love.  Love from Joan, my adopted mom, and love from my elders in Salem and love from people who have earned the place of family in my life.  And most of all, this strength comes from my love both to and from the Creator and from my beautiful spouse.  What does all of this have to do with the women of Alaska?  Well, I'll tell you.  They would be proud of me for standing up, pulling the starter cord on my chainsaw and asking, "Do you really want to tell me that who and how I love is wrong?"  Hmmm....

Adventure

Fitness level we're working on returning to.  Leigh two years ago.

We have had so much fun in Alaska.

Leigh in Portland looking a little different than when she is in Alaska.

Leigh in Alaska; the entire outfit, sans hat, is mine.

Life has taken very interesting turns.  When Leigh and I first met, we each had significant struggles.  After months of sharing a very deep love we have both come through many things to arrive at different levels.

We're handling life together, with a devotion and caring that really does put each other first.  When the property management company called from Michigan on Monday to announce a huge septic system repair, we worked through that together.  When I was put back in a camwalker and placed in painful physical therapy for weeks, we handled that.  We got our passports, changed my address to Portland, studied for my National Examination together and I passed that.

We have faced challenges together, things tough to any relationshipp, and more so for a new joining.  We talk at all hours, skype and work toward living together as soon as we can.

All has come into a new light for me tonight after waking to the tsunami warning siren a few hours ago.  We are a village on alert for the next several hours.  Leigh and I had fallen asleep on skype so she heard the siren and has been awake with me tonight as we wait for our waves and wind to hit.

It is amazing ride, this, and I am happy with my life-partner choice, with knowing that we are working toward being together and with the peace I get when I trust the Creator to take care of all things. 

It is the morning after the tsunami warning.  I am tired, however, I am so grateful that we are all okay.  My prayers go out to the people who are dealing with loss everywhere today.  My next adventure will be my bush plane ride out of Nanwalek at some time when the planes can make it in.  Bush pilots are amazingly fearless and very good at what they do.  They land next to the beach here on a short strip.  I'm glad that strip is still out there this morning.